DD #504

I can still hardly control myself – I got a hug from Adya!!  On Dec 17.  It was the Christmas intensive and such a beautiful time.  Some insights:

* The story of the virgin birth is the story of awakening 😐  It’s not the union of opposites coming together to make something new of flesh, it is the formless taking  form as in awakening.

* Gospel of Mark : In truth I tell you, all human sins will be forgiven, and all the blasphemies ever uttered; but anyone who blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven but is guilty of an eternal sin.

* For God (you) so loved this world, that he (you) gave it his (your) only begotten son (self!)

* Before Abraham, I am.

And the hymns were beautiful, especially the final Silent Night.  Then there was an announcement that Adya will be at the door with a Christmas blessing.  I couldn’t see the head of the line, but I began spinning tales out of expectations in my head.  And my voice told me to stop.  Waited for my turn and then it was me in front of him.  And all I could do was say Namaste a few times, the light in me so completely greets the light in you Adya.  I started telling him about finding out about him at the beginning of the year, but my voice broke and I waved it off.  Then I started thinking I won’t get a hug because I’m an Indian and he’d think I’m not the hugging kind.  He stepped back and opened his arms.  I walked right in and hugged him,  I can still feel the joy.  And then he gave me a piece of candy and a small sheet with one of his quotes.  He placed them in my hand and covered my hand with both of his (Just like Ganesan Mama!)  Got to go to bed.

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DD #503

You know, I thought working at AMD would be boring, too big a company, lots of folks might be coasters, you’ll get subsumed in the ocean there.  This past month has been an education.  I’ve met so many incredibly smart people here than pretty much anywhere else I can remember.  There was a meeting last week with 16 people stuffed together in a smallish room.  I remember thinking, Gosh, everyone here is super smart.  And then the director walks up to me and says Can you believe the brain power in that room.  And this man is no slouch in the brain dept himself.  That he was impressed says something.  And today I was in another large meeting chock full of directors and manager types.  And each one of them was super knowledgeable about the product, project and the domain itself.  It was like an attack of the acronyms.  The words are in english, but I swear they werenI still recall Brightware’s CEO who was happy to claim he didn’t know anything, Palm’s staff meeting where the managers were the least informed.  This was completely amazing, the level of detail senior directors were aware of and could argue their position with Fellows.  I am pretty sure I was the leanest brain in that room.  Surprisingly, this hasn’t caused me to go into anziety overdrive.  Even if I’m anxious, what am I going to do?  All of these people have kids or families, the same 24 hours in the day – how do they it?  I can’t think of any of them outside of work, but they all seem to have very interesting external lives too.  The only two people I thought were struggling in there were my boss and BK.

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DD #502

Why do I keep falling asleep on Adya???  I am in Austin, and I didn’t know until this am that there was going to be a radio broadcast.  Found out at about noon and since then have been making sure I’ll have everything I need, back to hotel in time – check, food – check, computer on and good to go – check.  Worrying what I’d do if I was invited to dinner.  And then Adya begins and it’s drop off time.  What do I recall – He initially talked about the inquiring into the question itself deeply because therein lies the answer.  It is only your own answer that will satisfy you, not Adya’s, not Bhagavan’s.  Used Bhagavan’s similie of using the stick to stir the fire till it burns up the stick.  Funnily, Usha and I had been speaking about that same similie a couple of days ago.  * Being still does not mean doing nothing.  I can’t get this out, I find the question of when to act and not act too confusing 😦 * It is the little self that rises up when it tries to compare your experience with that of others’ and assigns worth.  He said that with maturity comes this falling away of measurement.  (Ed – or it comes with weariness after hearing so much and feeling I’m not worthy.  But I’ll take it this way too).  Why would you ever want to live somebody else’s experience?  * Another was when he was telling someone to undertake cleansing energy rituals especially if they were working with their hands on people.  Like Qi Gong or Tai Chi or some yoga exercises.  I just heard this part, so no prior context.  I started thinking about my own massage –   would I end up getting their energy into my body?  * Be porous.  He said something like he became very sensitive to people’s stories and problems until he became very porous and allowed it to flow through without it sticking to anything and creating identity.  The reason it resonated was because of the last conversation I had with BFF P, stories about MMC folks including Babaji.  And how I let the information flow through saying how does this affect my experience of truth.  It did find some stickiness – flypaper was his term – but very little, I think.  I love the term, Be porous.  * And the last time I woke up, he was talking about the Dec 17 Christmas intensive.  Hour and a half.  Well.

The same thing happened last time too.  I dashed home from work, fixed myself some tea, ensconced myself away in my bedroom, told DD not to disturb.  5 minutes into the program and I was catatonic.  And woke up at 7:30 when he wrapped up.  Come ON!

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