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Archive for September, 2011

Addicted to human drama

I initially titled this Me and My big mouth, but on further thought…

I’ve been noticing for a while that people around me are attracted to drama, in an unhealthy, almost vile sort of way.  The first time I remarked on it was when in India last year and the parents and I were talking about inlaws.  Everyone’s doing well, kids are doing good, yadda yadda – desultory q and a.  Did I add drama details to spike the conversation?  Did it happen as a logical progression of the conversation?  I don’t recall, but I can’t forget the instant attention focus from the both of them and the hunger for the details.  And once that was sated, the settling back down with a palpable “well their drama seems tougher than mine” or “they have drama too” expansion in their psyche.  I felt guilt at choosing their attention over not gossipping and just so surprised at the eagerness in that quarter for news of strife.

Over the last year, I noticed that there seems to be a kind of social contract among some folks I hang out with which says you must exchange war room stories, almost like a I hear you and I raise you mine.  I recall one time when I was so disappointed with myself that I resolved to not engage in this anymore.  No more complaints.  I stick to it more often than not, so best I can say here is wip.

Most recently while I have been in MMC, I also noticed this eagerness for consuming drama.  Breathy exhalations inviting you to confide, facial expressions of concern.  A couple of weeks ago, I had a fight with DS right there – he was off on a moronic dream chase – wtf good would it do to have a broken down truck either in our yard or having his name on it in their junk yard? – so a couple of ill chosen remarks and he’s sulking and I’m moritified and the fact that everyone’s asking me if everything’s ok as well as the drama queen in me pop out tears too.  The only player who was supremely unaffected was Babaji.  And then one of the ladies comes to me and hugs me going, “Kya baath hai?”  I leapt from my seat and left the place.  I still recall the very surprised looks like goldfish on their faces when I turned around at the end of the room to wave at them. 

The pinnacle of this greedy consumption I think is unfortunately my BFP.  I did the most moronic thing today (actually yesterday, I fell asleep before writing).  I was at MMC again and Sita confided in me that she takes anti-depressants – some kind of a genetic thing.  How I wish I had the ability to accept that piece of information and discard it like it’s meant to me.  I wanted to tell Vittal, but was able to ride out that thought wave.  What triggered my divulgence of this detail to BFP?  I don’t know, it wasn’t apropos to anything at all.  And I do recall wanting to take back the topic  – I heard something in MMC yesterday.  No, I don’t think I should say anything – Moron – why did you ever open your mouth.  And of course BFP goes, you’ve got to tell me, spit it out and I do.  Her face just beams in joy.  Hah! Knew it.  Those people are as messed up as we are.  She gets up and shuts the door.  How could you keep this from me?  Am I not your best friend?  This piece of information helps me immensely and you thought to not share it?!  – How in the world does this piece of gossip help her?  – She has no attainment, how could someone who’s lived with Babaji for so long still be taking pills – I feebly protest, It’s genetic.  Who knows, she might have been incapacitated before and she’s here now – And I know I have sinned.  Dearest Sita, I beg your forgiveness.  BFP goes on and on feeling validated in all her decisions, I can’t get away fast enough.  No more, absolutely no more talking about the people at MMC.  Please make this statement be true!

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