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Archive for August, 2011

My day at MMC

The titling is a big torture!  I’ve scratched off and rewritten the title, changing the subject of my post while fixing up the title!  So, no more titling until I have the post written. 

I spent the day at MMC attending Y’s wedding ceremony.  Of course DS was with me.  Does he prattle on for ever or does my judge-o-meter spiral out of control when I’m there?  A bit of both probably, but please GOD!  put some filters on there.  Both for him and me.  Does he not see that others stay crypt-like?  Does he feel like he has to make up for others’ non-speaking?  I’m constantly going Be quiet, don’t I get to have a break after 18 years? 

Should I have gone to Y’s wedding?  They needed a person to fix the bride’s saree so the answer is yes (I think).  I (and DS) was the only one in wedding regalia.  I out dressed the bride, for sure.  Why do these white people wear pale sarees?  They’d look gorgeous in dark colors. 

The ceremony itself was beautiful.  I loved the yagna, so spiritual in nature, unhurried, everything I don’t remember Hindu rites to be.  What are those hand mudras that they do?  It’s almost like a dance, one movement flowing into the other so gracefully and done unselfconsciously, I’m so curious.  There were very few people, 20, 30 max.  It was warm in the sun and cool, almost cold in the shade.  My pattu saree came in handy as a wrap.  The fragrance of the fire, the soporific chanting of the mantra, soothes you into a manolayam.  Y looked so happy.  His bride was walking up the stairs and everyone was looking at her.  I turned around to see him and found this man lit up in joy.  Thankfully there was a guy there, either father or fil, with a camera and I asked him to capture the moment.  With his tilak, he looked radiant, like some acharya in the Mahabharat stories.  I wonder how his parents dealt with the religious conversion and priesthood.

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So out of compassion or sarvam bhagavat swarupam.  It’s lunch time and the pontificators are in full flow in the lunch room.  One man is holding court – why is his voice so resonant?  One other has this incredible irritating cackle – highpitched, forced and joyless – that I think he uses to show mirth.  Would that he were able to hear himself one day!  He has nothing to do and no team wants him.  He’s waiting for his gc so that he can quit and go to God knows where, but it’s been more than 3 years since he did anything worthwhile.  All in his prime learning and earning years.  Such a waste!

I’ve decided not to complain in my Gratitude Journal.  That means this will be my primary venue.  I’m going to make noon-12:30 my daily dialogue time.  I miss you, self!  Our conversation and the continuity of the process are important to me.  Would you help me with the resolution?

Body is a mass of aches.  I’ve been taking 2 Tylenols at least twice a day, my head hurt like crazy over the past two days, my neck’s been stiff for a long time and now my back is getting into the game.   And I can’t see what to do about it.  I recall one Forum talk when the guest said humans are wired for seeing positives in any catastrophe.  Even the Apocalypse – God is coming, so all will be well even in the middle of large scale destruction.  In my case, super pain and I’m going, Mmm, Maybe my Kundalini is waking up.  And the rest of my brain goes stfu, dammit!

 

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Kiss the joy

He who binds to himself a joy
Doth the winged life destroy.
But he who kisses the joy as it flies
Lives in Eternity’s sunrise.

– William Blake

Brought to me by the divine folks at Blue Mountain.  Sent more than a month ago.  Has lived with me ever since.  How the truth of these lines resonates in me.  Hugs to you, William Blake.

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Daily Dialogue #42

I’m starting a Hanuman Puja today with two requests for Hanuman.  Give me the will to be steadfastly honest on things big and little.  Show me the way ahead for my dad’s business.  I accept whatever outcome you show.  I feel mired and that sinking feeling.  I need his grace for making it through 40 days, but I have faith.  I was able to get up in the am (ahead of 5 am), do the daily habits, make payasam and prasad for the temple.  DH had to do the pujai, but still…  I got out of the home by 8 with the kids, got to MMC by 9 and JD gave me a blessed introduction to Pranayama.  I owe him such a great debt.  It’s so clear to me that my morning practice has to expand.  I just don’t know what will contract to allow this to proceed.  Hanuman will show the way.

I have a couple of marvelous words to add.  Will be back with them.

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