Archive for November, 2011

Daily Dialogue 501

Why is it so hard to do what you know so well to be the right thing?  These are my challenges – I can’t turn the tv off, I can’t write in the blog, I can’t keep the house clean, can’t exercise.  Do you think I’ll look at this in a year and wonder why I had so much trouble?

It’s not only these things, from the beginning of the year to now, so much has changed – I don’t read Seth Godin, Zen Habits, Elisha, Happiness Project and Therese anymore.    These were my original vibrant lifers.  Why do I not find it as important or nurturing anymore?  I have been thinking – I’ve been blown away by perhaps 2 or 3 marvelous words these past 6 months, such a massive difference from earlier.  What is the Universe seeing that I’m missing?  Why isn’t She sending me her hugs?

So many changes this year.  I quit WR and moved to AMD.  I was so bored there for months.  And it was funny how it happened – I got hired after only phone interviews.  I didn’t know how much money I was making in WR!  I feel horrible about taking all that money for not much in return.  Now I’m making even more money and I’m so worried that I’m not worth it 😦  I am getting so many opportunities to whack myself – I’ll never have a larger vision, I focus too much on the details, Everyone is smarter than me, I don’t belong here.  Is this ever going to get better?  In addition to the mental smackdowns, the blister in my eye decided to come back.  My eye rolls away to the side and I keep wondering if it’s doing that whenever I’m talking to another person.  I just realized, I spend half my brain cycle wondering about this and only half focusing on what’s being told to me.  Well! In a twist of royal irony, DH got laid off my second week of being there.    That’s another quarter of brain cycles gone in worry.  It’s a wonder I’m even functioning.  Going to bed, waking up to another day, hoping to act from wisdom…


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