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Archive for January, 2011

Daily Dialogue #3

I forgot about this incident at the temple yesterday.  DS and idiot friend were in the dining hall and IF decides to sing a movie song.  DS is keeping beat, he has little idea what the song is.  I intervened to say cut it out, not at the temple and the IF decides to argue propriety with me.  I was snippy and ended it with I teach my son.  You’re free to do what you like.  And through the rest of yesterday night and today, I’ve been rearguing, wondering what would happen, imagining different scenarios  if he continued the argument here, just worrying at the thought like a dog with a bone.  I catch myself once in a while and say cut it out, but I’m still at it.  And DS who was charming all day today, suddenly in the evening becomes a surly bum, arguing pointlessly and just freaking me out.  Whenever he raises idiot arguments, I think OMG, he’s going to become IF!

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That which I would, I do not.  That which I do, I would not. 

I don’t know where I read it, maybe in Kathleen Norris’ Amazing Grace?  I remember copying it out right away  Google does not provide this quote on a search for St. Paul’s quotes, but I distinctly remember it being St. Paul.  Exactly me.  So glad to know he knows my pain.

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Daily Dialogue 2

I like this idea 🙂  I don’t have to obsess about titling the post.  It’s n+1, very brain free.  Today, my head’s been filled with voices.  I was obsessing over a poorly handled meeting between AN and myself.  What particularly got me was, “Come on Y, you can’t determine when the applicaiton is going to fail”.  Yeah right and memory failures cause the app to crash every night at 2 am.  And then it was “You are the customer and you don’t have to worry about it” at which point I just said fine.  He’ll know in a few days and hopefully want to swallow his tongue!  But I allowed my irritation to prevent me from asking the right questions and concluding the meeitng gracefully.  I think I made up for it in meeting #2, though.

There, that was 90% of the cacophony in my head.  Simple, no?

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Daily Dialogue – 1

Yes, this is going to be title from now on.  So after the first 40 days of daily blogging, I fell off the wagon.  I don’t know why, I used to keep thinking of interesting things to write about (writing for other people or my future self), but I wouldn’t do it.  I’m now reading Simple Abundance, a daily exercise in reflection and gratitude and today’s meditation from the author was to start a daily dialogue with yourself.  She started it because she found herself carrying on conversations with herself endlessly, her mind jumping on a thought like a pitbull and mercilessly worrying it until it was distracted by the next thing.  Hello, me!  So she started doing a daily dialogue to clear her head.  I was reminded of the Harry Potter movies where they pull strands of memories out of their heads and let them rest outside.  I so wish I could do the same for my thoughts!  She also said it’s too intimidating to write in a fancy notebook, so scratch paper or small binder would be perfect.  That got me thinking, do I not write here because the blog is intimidating?  I really don’t think so.  But the thing with a notebook is that you can flip to a random page and watch yourself grow.  Is the same thing possible on a blog?

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