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Archive for August, 2010

Pema Chodron

I first heard about Pema Chodron from JKZ and then there was Seth Godin’s recommendation about her book that made me go out and buy the audio tape version.  True to form, I sat on it for ages and then finally put it on a CD to play.  The first CD, I was not such a big fan.  The car doesn’t allow me to forward within the cd, there’s only one track, so some sections I had to listen over and over again, but slowly I got into it.  Towards the middle of the first tape, it becomes pretty interesting, but I can’t remember anything of what was on the CD.  I think it was a shared experience about the mind straying away during meditation.  Every moment that you caught yourself and told yourself to let go, you were living in the moment!  You are completely present in that moment.  The other completely exhilarating practice I learnt was the Tonglen meditation.  Completely eye-opening!!

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I heard this phrase on the radio.  It was by an author.  He had a new novel out which was a satire on the Twitter generation.  In his book’s world, no one reads books,   Schools teach speed reading.  It mocked Facebook, Twitter etc pretty roundly, but my favorite phrase that the guy said was something like, “I think we are the last of the Rumination Generation, we like to ponder over what we’ve read”.  I so concur!!

Speaking of Rumination, I am listening to Pema Chodron.  I didn’t like the CD initially, esp part 1 of 3, but now I’m so into it.  Really helps with the rumination!!  She said this beautiful thing – when you are meditating and your mind wanders and you pull it back, don’t fee like you’ve lost all that time when your mind was wandering.  That moment when you caught yourself, you were in the now.  And that’s something to be happy about. 

My eye blister might be coming back!!

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Dream Aug 2010

I don’t know what # it is anymore, so I’m going to mark it with a date.  I need to write about the one with Jayashree Mami.  But going to the latest one for this post.  Chandru and I are in this dream.  I just realized this is dream #2 with Chandru!  Or maybe not, remember, I didn’t see him clearly in the last one.  I thought we said we were going to Oakland, but somehow we end up in this beach.  Fantastically green blue water, like the one in Tulum.  There are lots of people on the beach, a small wall separating the parking lot from the sandy beach.  I jump over, but Chandru is doubtful about joining me.  I ask him, “Isn’t Acapulco most beautiful?”  He’s still non-committal and I spread out my blanket on the sand, hoping he’ll change his mind on seeing how much fun I’m having.  And I’m thinking what will happen if a big wave comes?  Will it slosh over me to the wall?  The beach is not very large.  I’m wondering if waves will breach the wall and then suddenly a large wave forms in the ocean.  Not a tsunami type, just a above average wave with white froth and people being raised up with it and out through the froth walks out the most beautiful animal.  It’s like a bull, but it’s white (like an advertisement for Rin, white).  And the face is just so noble and it’s got a thick pelt of white hair which falls around its neck and chin like a great white beard.  And it’s swaying beautifully while the animal slowly canters towards me.  I’m thinking this is a yak (I’ve seen precisely 0 of these in real like, but this is the thought that came in.  I’m mesmerized by the yak, but the other people seem unaffected.  When it looks like it is going to come straight to me, I ask Chandru, all the while staring open mouthed at this beauty, “Chandru, maybe we should get up and get out of its way”.  Both of us struggle to our feet, but the yak turns around and lopes away with a long sidelong look at me.  It lopes back into the water and merges into it.  In a couple of seconds, nothing is left of the yak, except my memory.  End of story.

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WordPress.com!!  What did you do to my theme and why can’t I get this stupid tagline off this page?!!

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Welcome back to me!

Finally, I’m back on the blog track. I went to India for 6 weeks, so take a week off before for the trip. It’s now week 3 since I’ve been back, but amazingly, I’ve been unable to get on this site and type a few lines. How about that?! I think of enough things to put on, but the act itself, pffft. What are the other habits that are like roadkill? Pretty much ALL of them!! I only check CuteOverload regularly. No Happiness Project, seth godin, beyondBlue, Elisha Goldstein (he’s nt doing mindful mondays anymore :() No Flylady, no Vimala, no running, no shiny sink. Really grasping to hold on to my sheet changing on Saturday. Worst of all, back to 20 mins on meditation and have slowly gotten it back to 25 min. All the hard work to get these habits going, all flushed down after a 6 week break. Would it be worth it if I had at least enjoyed the break? Couldn’t say, but I didn’t enjoy myself during the time off, so it’s moot.

A lot of interesting insights into myself, the thought of writing about them is probably what kept me off the blog probably. It’s easy to be magnanimous, noblesse oblige when you have oceans between you and the family. Put me back in the same vicinity and I become this grabby monster – I want this, I want that nyah nyah nyan nyash. Gross!! I have this incredible need to have others think highly of me. I was going to say need to please, but this is more appropriate. I need to be a guest who is a help to have and not a burden and because I go overboard to make it so, I probably AM a burden. Plus towards the end of my stay, I’m so put upon because everyone takes my availability for granted that I become so sour. So end of the day – more work necessary. Enlightenment far, far away.

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